Sharing

Everytime I write about my family I feel like I´m speaking for some small part of myself. My family is an example of one of those cases where you can look at a person and glance up the tree to see where his or her traits came from. I´m not only talking about physical traits; I mean emotional, psychological traits. Interests. And right now I want to look over to the other branch of our tree to honor my sister, Haley.

Haley and I are 18 months apart, but as we grow older it becomes more and moer apparent to me how little time separates our ages. I believe that to be a sister is to share. Haley and I toddled through our childhood going from sharing a bedroom, to sharing clothes, to sharing cars, and now to sharing only a brief Skype phone call every once in a while. The other day my mom told me something (verifying a quality that I believe many close sisters to have.) She said that when two girls are born so close in age, their relationship will be very close, but also competitive for the spotlight. With that said, I think that some of the hardest things for two sisters to share are expectations for what life will bring.

Haley, I know that you (probably) feel like you´ve grown up behind a shadow. I don´t say this in a "woo-woo-look-at-me" way, but as a simple acknowledgment of the role that many younger sisters take. The older sister has to go out testing the waters while the younger one waits around to get permission from the parents to enter into only that same ocean. Kind of like some cruel Chinese buffet where you´re only allowed to sample only what big sis has already tried. But you know what? There are some foods that are way too spicey for me, while you eat them with no problem. (That salsa at La Carreta? I mean, I was 17 before I could eat it!) So, like I said, to be in the shadow of your older sister must be hard, whether the shadow be in good or bad light. I can imagine that it would make independence and identity frustrating. Especially because there is an older Haley-look-alike running around out there, a year and a half ahead. Life becomes a question of how to be different from this aged model of yourself.

And you know what? It´s hard for me too. All I want to do is share my experiences with you, but I know that for the sole reason that I´ve done them, you must by obligation take a different path. And because our relationship is so close, it doesn´t help that every year we´re pushed just a little bit farther from each other. I know it might feel like I abandonded you. I left home to live at boarding school before the average teenager leaves. Then I went off to college and wasn´t there for you when you were sad or lonely. I wasn´t the supportive sister that I wanted to be. I was gone all year at college and all summer at camp for two years consecutively. Then I thought I would take myself abraod for my own well-being. But you know what? I´ve really missed you.

I didn´t like not being able to help move you into your first dorm room. I didn´t like not being home for your (or ANYONE´S) birthday. And most of all I hated that our family was split up on Christmas. It´s not Christmas until we´ve gotten our coffee and climbed into Mom and Dad´s bed to eat biscotti cookies. In fact, it isn´t any special occasion until we´ve done that. It´s sad to me that although I´m coming home at the beginning of July, I won´t be able to see you until August.

But you know what Haley-bug? You go do your own thing and find your place in life, under the spotlight and out of the shadows. And as we grow older and spread ourselves over the world, let´s not forget all of those things we shared. Let´s not forget those nights of sumo wrestling, clad only in panties. Let´s not forget that tradition we tried to start of always sleeping in the same twin bed on Christmas Eve. Or of the games we invented with our "stuffed-up" animals. Or of the game where we´d pile each other with Mom and Dad´s pillows from their bed and then body slam each other. Always asking afterwards, "Did that huuuurt?" "Nooo." Or of our fanatical (and goal oriented) roller-blade sessions around Carolina Circle. Let´s not forget how we used to repeat scenes from movies over and over ("Little Women") or play with Barbies in the bathtub. And do you remember how we´d chase each other around the house leaving greasy handprints always on the same part of the hallway? Let´s not forget the dances we choreographed (Think Pink!) nor the Mad Tiger game on the rug.

Essentially when I think of my relationship with you, Haley, I remember how easy it was to play and to laugh. It was so easy to amuse ourselves with our imaginations for hours on end. And now that creativity is expressed only through Skype chats and sharing humorous YouTube videos. I know that a lot of times I am judgmental and close-minded about some things. But I admire that you don´t seem to share those qualities. You always get me (even if you don´t agree where I´m coming from.) I feel like sometimes our minds are just so in sync, whether that means wearing the exact same outfit when we´re in different cities or just by having a very similar sense of humor. And that´s sisterhood, isn´t it? From sharing a bedroom to sharing mindwaves.

So this summer I´ll be sending all of the positive mindwaves and good thoughts that I have in the direction of Chicago. That will at least have to do until August when I can move you into your sophomore dormroom (RA! Geez we´re both so old!) and go back to being your big sister again.

I love you bug-bug,

your Gillibean